Let’s say you have a waifu or husbando from a favorite show. Pretty much everyone does nowadays. But while other people say they love their waifu, you might really love your waifu.
Like you may take it to the next level with body pillows, character shrines, trying to channel their spirit through seances, fighting people online who say they love your waifu/husbando, and even trying to marry your body pillow like a few otaku have done to make their relationship official.
Whether you realize it or not, people marrying pillows or waifus are just the tip of the iceberg. Humans have a long and interesting history courting inanimate objects.
“Object sexuality” is a sexual orientation centered around people feeling attraction towards objects and people of all types have fallen under the spell of a sexy train or a cute wall. Just check out these people that turned their feelings into full-on relationships, some of them might actually melt your heart.
1Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer x Berlin Wall
Eija-Riitta made international headlines in 1979 after marrying the Berlin Wall. She claims to have fallen in love with him when she was seven after seeing the wall on TV. Their unofficial marriage took place during Eija Riita’s sixth visit to the wall.
“Tragedy” struck in 1989 when the Berlin Wall was brought down, a horrifying event that rendered Eija-Riitta a widow. But her sadness didn’t last long; Eija-Riitta quickly moved on to an attractive garden post…with the benefits of sexual stimulation, Code Geass style.
2Erika Eiffel x Eiffel Tower
Erika Eiffel is no stranger to loving objects – she became a world-class archer and won a scholarship to the United States Air Force Academy because she fell in love with an F-15 fighter jet. The relationship didn’t last because Eiffel was quickly discharged by the Air Force and abandoned by her family.
Eiffel didn’t find “true love” until she visited the Eiffel Tower in France and quickly proclaimed the structure as her wife. Eiffel once said, “I will tell you that I know love is being reciprocated.” Too bad she’s banned from visiting the tower due to public displays of affection.
3Joachim x Steam Engine Train
Joachim is a mechanic with a steam locomotive for a spouse. He admits that the nature of his job has led to many affairs with locomotives, admitting, “A love affair could very well begin with a broken radiator.”
Yikes. Somehow, his faithful locomotive has always taken him back after past infidelities. Joachim must be great at greasing gears.
4Tracey Emin x Stone
Tracey Emin is a London artist known for toying with the press and subverting expectations. Due to Emin’s reputation, it wasn’t too shocking that she married a stone.
Emin claims to have been inspired by reading letters between Pope John Paul II and the philosopher Anna-Teresa Tymieniecka, which led to Emin forming a “spiritual relationship” with a stone from her garden.
Emin also gave a fairly simple response to The Art Newspaper, “It just means that at the moment I am not alone; somewhere on a hill facing the sea, there is a very beautiful ancient stone, and it’s not going anywhere. It will be there, waiting for me.”
Actually, that’s really touching.
5Amy Wolfe Weber x 1001 Nachts
Relationships can be a rollercoaster at times; many couples experience ups and downs that they need to work through. Amy Wolfe Weber is one-upping everyone since her husband is a literal rollercoaster.
Weber fell in love with the 1001 Nachts gondola ride when she was 13, telling The Telegraph, “I was instantly attracted to him sexually and mentally.” She’s ridden her husband over 3,000 times, sleeps with a picture of him on her ceiling, and has a pair of spare nuts and bolts.
Weber doesn’t seem to mind a little NTR action, saying that doesn’t feel any jealousy when other people ride her spouse. Probably because she has his nuts and bolts in her pocket.
6Bill Rifka x iBook
Apple first launched their iBook line of laptops in 1999 and they found a super fan in Bill Rifka. Despite being loyal the iBook, Bill admits to flirting with “many a sweet laptop on eBay.” Seriously, eBay sessions are his porn.
7Chang Hsi-hsum x Barbie
Most of the people on this list began showing signs of object sexuality as pre-teens, but Chang Hsi-hsum is a different a case. Fair warning, you might want to bust out some tissues for this.
Chang had a wife named Tsai but she committed suicide because Chang’s family was opposed to their marriage. He would eventually remarry, but Chang couldn’t shake the feeling that his first wife’s soul was not at peace. With the support and approval of his second wife, Chang married a Barbie.
The Barbie doll was dressed in a wedding gown and wore Tsai’s old gold necklace. A paper model of a red Mercedes was burned so that Tsai would have a car in the spirit world.
Chang’s family gave their approval for the marriage, expressing remorse for causing Tsai’s suicide. After the ceremony, Tsai’s soul has welcomed into Chang’s family and the Barbie surrogate is still in his possession. Chang told a local Taiwanese newspaper, “I have waited for this day for 20 years. Even after all this time, I still feel in love with her. Now I will marry her spirit and take her home. We will be finally together and able to live in peace.”
An anime pillow doesn’t seem crazy now.